Fast forward to this past Wednesday morning. As I was about to go to work, my DH decided to give me a hard time about taking $20 electronically out of our Household envelope. I reminded him it was for natural teething ointment for Cubbie's SORE GUMS! Needless to say, I left the house a little miffed.
THEN, he had the nerve to send me this email:
______________________________________________________
From: (DH)
Date: Wed, 6 Jan 2010 08:02:50
To:
Subject: Gazelle Intense
I'm obsessive about gazelles...get on board with me!
Hope your day is going well.
Love Ya!!!
(DH)
______________________________________________________
Ok, I know he was just trying to egg me on, but I was so NOT in the mood. So I sent him the following email. Keep in mind, I had no idea at the time that I was going to post this on my blog.
______________________________________________________
From: (Cop Mama)
Date: Wed, 6 Jan 2010 08:08:37
To:
Subject: Re: Gazelle Intense
I am on board...remember I was the one who bought the book! And I was the one who suggested the envelope system! Geez, quit obsessing! Oh and I'm workin a 12 hour day today! I don't think I could get anymore "On Board" if I tried!
Oh and I cut our grocery bill in half, and I nursed for over a year, saving us tons of money there too!
Sent from my BlackBerry
_______________________________________________________
Now, please don't think I'm being self righteous or anything. I was just annoyed and felt like DH needed a little reminder that I AM on board.
Here's his reply:
_______________________________________________________
From: (DH)
Date: Wed, 6 Jan 2010 08:10:50
To:
Subject: Gazelle Intense
LaLaLaLaLaLaLaLa...less than 5 years!
Sent from my BlackBerry
_______________________________________________________
Ha ha ha! Isn't that the best response! Here I was ticked at him and instead of ignoring me (which is sometimes how we fight) or getting mad at me (which is another way we fight), he sent this!
When I got home that night, I told him that his email made me think about how we should use humor more often. He agreed :-)
Ok, now it's YOUR turn. If you don't mind sharing, what tools have YOU and your spouse found to defuse an argument?
24 comments:
How awesome. I LOVE that you shared something that is real and honest and something we all deal with, yet also shared a positive and uplifting action and re-action!! YEAH YOU GUYS!!! Love this!! Love love love it.
Blessings-
Amanda
@Amanda,
Thanks so much. I should have mentioned that this post was "DH approved."
Thanks for your supportive comments. I was nervous posting this, but then I thought, even if only one person takes something positive away from this post, then I've accomplished my goal :-)
hmm Well I can't remember. Do you want me to email my x-husband? Wouldn't that be a good post. Hee hee.
I have found with any argument it tends to be one sided in our minds. We- would try not to say the "you" phrases, like you said, you did. Instead we would try to say I blah blah. It calmed us down.
Thought provoking post. (I hear your voice, CM). :)
Thanks so much for this post.. as we arent newly weds anymore but two year is just a drop in the bucket.. we are still learning what works for us and what doesnt. Humor is prob the best med. It will quickly calm things down a little bit.. other than that the only thing we can do is talk it out
neat post :)
After 22 years of marriage. My husband knows I am always right. LOL
Just kidding. We usually wait a few minutes and then start talking about something good that happened that day.
At 24 years we are still not as bright as glitterbygrammie. ;)
And I suppose "wine" isn't an appropriate answer.
I would suppose the biggest thing that has helped in the last few years (because we've argued like crazy most of our married life. We're polar opposites) is one of us will remind the other "We're on the same team". It seems to help. We tried "I don't want to argue" but it always was met with the rejoinder "Then don't".
Thanks for sharing. ps... we don't use the DR technique/theory but have paid down a TON of debt in the last year and a half. Wooo hoooo!!!!
I cry!
My husband and I don't argue very much, but when we do we have simple rules. We stick to what the arguement is about...no bringing up something else or creating a new situation. It's not about being right or someone being at fault. And when one apologizes, the other does too. Because it takes two make a marriage and it takes two to argue. And then we let it go...we don't dwell on it!
When we first got married, everyone told us not to go to sleep with anger. And then after a couple sleepless nights, we just gave in. Sometimes you have to go to bed angry, because in the morning, we've either forgotten what we were fighting about, or it looks different out of the heat of the argument. You just have to step away for a while!
Another thing that we've done to stop arguments-- when the Vikings play the Packers, he watches the game in his office. ;-)
I think this is great you shared, how awesome! We often end things in humor too...neither one of us can go long without cracking a joke about a stupid fight. Also, we totally 'email fight' sometimes too. Oh and also again...I wipe out the nursing both our babies saved us loads of money too. :)
thanks for being honest. we text each other, even from different rooms, especially when the kids are around
My hubby and I use humor, too, but it usually only works after we've given each other time to cool off! Email is a good way to diffuse an argument, too, since there's not as much emotion to reading a message as YELLING something. (Although this can be a downside of email, too!)
Thanks for stopping by my blog! :)
LOL on this one. I read in a book somewhere if arguing with hubby in person to put sticky notes on our foreheads that read "I'm on your team, let's try this together" and than finish the argument, but start off barking like angry dogs until it's a nice tone. I couldn't imagine doing such a thing and staying serious for very long. We never did this exercise but it comes to mind. I usually give myself a timeout until I have something sensible to say. When The Mr. works his 12 hrs we try to txt and stay in touch so by time he is walking through the door the air is cleared.
Thanks for sharing :-)
First off, I MUST post something else, because my BIG FAT BELLY in child size snowpants is POSTED ON YOUR SIDEBAR!!! Ugh.
Secondly, we are bad bad bad fighters...I'm not sure how we diffuse fights...really struggling with this right now. This post inspired me, thank you.
Third, we love Dave Ramsey. We are currently debt free, have 6 months in savings, and would be doing the whole stock step but are saving towards a house instead. Our envelope system is LITERALLY envelopes. It has saved thousands :o) Keep up the good work, it is SO rewarding.
I have mixed emotions about Dave Ramsey. On one hand, he's a great motivator, on the other hand when my DH and I were using his method we would have disagreements over $20...so not worth it. It just felt like we were obsessing about being frugal to the point that we weren't enjoying life any more.
My DH and I definitely diffuse arguing through humor too!
Well, You know from my blog I am currently single. But I LOVE Dave Ramsey and want to find the system you mentioned!
I came over to visit from ....well, I forget....but anyway I would think all you would need to do in a fight is remind dear hubby that you carry a gun! :) j/k
@NancyGrace, Husband once pulled that on me and I thoughtfully reminded him that Yes, he carries a gun, but he has to go to sleep SOME TIME". Hasn't happened again ;)
This makes me laugh. When my wife is in a tizzy, there is nothing, and I mean nothing, that will calm her down. I've learned that you just get out of the way.
But when it comes to communicating, low key is the only thing that works with her. I have to keep my voice tone down and neutral because she picks up on every little nuance. It isn't only what I say, but how I say it. Anything less than neutral, and she thinks there's an ulterior message. Unfortunately, humor doesn't work with her. In fact, it actually makes things worse. If we're having a conversation, she thinks I'm not taking it seriously if I inject humor.
BTW...how much do you think we save on formula with each child we breastfeed? Just wondering...Kim
He leaves to cool off and I clean like a possessed woman!
Humor - good idea! We took Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University class a few years ago.
@Meadowlark and @NancyGrace I would have to tell him "I carry one too!"
Since DH became a police officer I have started letting go of a lot of things. The last thing I want is if something happens to him to have been fighting over the dishes. I've also come to realize that if housework is my biggest complaint I have it really darn good. You can't have it all! That's not how we diffuse our fights, but we fight a lot less than we used to and they don't go as far as they used to. So, I guess it was just making a personal choice to let go of things that don't matter.
I'm cracking up over the Dave Ramsey fight. We just paid off our last debt this summer (woot!) and OH said to me yesterday, "I love how we can be out somewhere and you say, 'oh, I have money for that HERE in THIS envelope' and magically pull some cash out of your purse."
Doesn't really answer the "how do we fight" question... :o)
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